I bet.
Sometimes kids say the darnedest things…
And they end up as comments in my spam folder. Or sometimes something shows up that is such an epic mindfuck I cannot help but share, so here goes, courtesy of the Wonderful World Of Spam:
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And not to be outdone, that is followed by
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All hail ‘anonymous’!!! Eleventy!!!111!!11!
Headline competition
A snippit of a Twitter conversation, with slight explanations. No animals were injured in the making of this post; we may have a disappointed badger however…
https://twitter.com/Popehat/status/302515197451583489
Chubby Checker Sues HP Over Penis Size App
Posted by majestic on February 15, 2013
Some men might be flattered if a penis size app was named after them, but not Chubby Checker, reports WebOS Nation:
Attorney Willie Gary of Stuart, Florida, has filed a federal lawsuit in the United States District Court, Florida’s Southern District, against HP and Palm on behalf of performer Ernest Evans over the Silicon Valley firms’ hosting of an app titled “The Chubby Checker” hosted in the webOS App Catalog. The app, a play on the stage name of Mr. Evans – Chubby Checker, was created by developer Magic Apps, was designed as a calculator for estimating the penis size of a man given the input of his shoe size.
The app was downloaded 84 times before being removed from the App Catalog in September of 2012 and no longer available in the store on device or in the App Catalog web listings. “Chubby Checker” is held as a trademark by the Ernest Evans Corporation. The lawsuit claims that HP and Palm’s “use of the name ‘Chubby Checker’ in its app is likely to associate platiff’s marks with the obscene, sexual connotation and images,” and that Evans has “received no compensation for the unauthorized use of the Chubby Checker name and trademark”.
Additionally, the lawyers allege that customers that have looked at or purchases The Chubby Checker app “are being misled into believing that the plaintiffs have endorsed the defendant’s app.” Up to its removal, The Chubby Checker had clocked fewer than 100 downloads. The lawsuit is demanding that HP and Palm cease sales of the app bearing the trademark of or similarity to Chubby Checker and triple damages of the profits HP derived from sales of the app. When listed, The Chubby Checker retailed for $0.99; with sales of no more than a hundred copies and the 30% cut taken by Palm and HP from the App Catalog, damages could total upwards of $90.00…
@Popehat Re headlines, I beg to differ: http://t.co/ML38QPol
— Josh King (@joshuamking) February 15, 2013
Body Search In Arboretum Reveals Big Beaver
Published Aug 28, 2010, 12:00pmA search for a body near the arboretum this afternoon ended after police found comedy gold floating in Lake Washington.
Sometime between 2:00pm and 3:00pm, someone called 911 and reported that a body was floating amongst the lily pads in Lake Washington, on the northeast side of the arboretum.
Patrols officers and the harbor unit responded to the scene, closed off the park, and found the “body.”
It took officers a little while to reach the floating “body” but when they did, SPD spokesman Mark Jamieson says they discovered the “body” was actually a “large, dead, decaying beaver.”
In other news, has anyone seen Courtney Love lately?
https://twitter.com/Popehat/status/302524921899266048
@Popehat perhaps, perhaps. But what of this? http://t.co/PDk4IKZD
— Josh King (@joshuamking) February 15, 2013
Gordon Ramsay’s Porn Dwarf Double Eaten by Badger
U.K. tabloid Sunday Sportrecently introduced the world to Percy Foster, a 35-year-old dwarf porn star whose career was just beginning to catch fire. It was all because an observant production assistant on the set of Hi-Ho Hi-Ho, It’s Up Your Arse We Go had noticed how much Foster looked like celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay. But just as Foster was set to join the rarefied ranks of celebrity lookalike dwarf porn stars, tragedy struck: The body of the 3′ 6″ performer has been discovered in a badger’s den, partially eaten.
According to Sunday Sport‘s follow-up account, Foster was found “deep in an underground chamber by Ministry of Agriculture experts ahead of a planned badger-gassing programme near Tregaron, west Wales.” They write that “expert CSI teams had to use fingertip technology to remove his body from the six-foot-deep burrow.” (I have no idea what fingertip technology is, but I imagine it’s akin to one of those claw cranes you find in arcades and drugstores.)
Officials have not yet ruled out suicide, and adult film producer Dexter Yamunkeh’s comments — in which he intimates that Foster may have cracked under the pressures of being the world’s leading Gordon Ramsay-lookalike-sex-dwarf — certainly don’t invalidate the possibility:
“Percy was a little guy with big problems. He was doing well but he was under pressure, 24/7, like everyone in this goddamned business.”
It’s more than a little curious that the internet, aka God’s porn dumping grounds, contains not a single reference to either Percy or Dexter prior to these two news items. But that’s just the cynic in me talking. So tonight, we pour out a little (and I do mean little) gin in memory of poor Percy. We may never get to see his work in Midget MasterChef: Assbasters 7, but his memory will live on all the same.
I stand (or, after reading that last article, sit) in awe of the power of the internet.
Snow. Feh.
To all you down’easters, sorry ’bout that…
I spent Thanksgiving in Cleveland in the early Eighties, and we woke up to a front door like this. Had to climb out the window to shovel the snow to OPEN. The. FRICKIN’. DOOR. Haven’t been north of the Tennessee line since, a record I am disinclined to break.
pic via Ace
Jeez, what could have possibly happened?
News from Iran:
Mystery Surrounds Fordow Blast
Jerusalem, Jan 27. – Media reports Sunday suggest a damaging explosion at Iran’s top-secret Fordow nuclear development site took place last week, leaving as many as 190 workers dead.
Following the blast, the main road from Qom to Tehran was closed for several hours, the German newspaperDie Welt reported. If the reports are to be believed, the explosion was perhaps the most serious blow against the Iranian nuclear program to date.
—
Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu commented Sunday as the world marked international Holocaust Remembrance Day, the Iranians were continuing both to deny the Holocaust and pursue their goal of destroying the Jewish state. “They are not halting their unceasing and methodical race to obtain atomic weapons for the purpose of realizing this goal. We are not taking these threats lightly.”
Paging Mossad to the white courtesy phone, please…
via Ace
Drudgetaposition part deux
A Football Fantasy
Suppose that, instead of the traditional blimp circling the stadium providing aerial views of the football game, instead you had a Predator drone prowling above. Broadcasters could marvel at the quality and detail of the pictures, and discount the fact that the picture contained a crosshair. “Why, you can count the fillings of their teeth!”
For halftime, small Toyota pickup trucks, called ‘technicals’ the world over, would be brought out on the field to serve as targets for the Predator. For authenticity actors dressed as terrorists would be riding in the trucks carrying AK-47s. We could then demonstrate the swiftness and accuracy of the strikes.
Any craters that could not be leveled by the end of halftime would serve as natural hazards a la golf for the second half of the game.
What could go wrong?
N.B. In cities with particularly rowdy fans such as Philadelphia and Oakland the Predators could serve as crowd control.
Gawd love the Brits
It appears that not everyone is totally enamored with the creeping socialism afflicting Great Britain, and resistance against it can take some, er, charming forms. First, a little background from S. Weasel:
The Brits are a contradictory lot. In some ways, privacy obsessed. In others, right up in each others’ bidness.
Take the Planning Notice. If you want to make changes to your property, you have to file an application. That info then goes into the local paper, and on a printed notice, which is stuck up on a light pole or something near the scene of the proposed change. And then your neighbors can complain about it and try to get it blocked, if they like.
It’s more intrusive than building permits in the States. You see Planning Notices for things like replacing a broken gate or changing the sign over a shop. And the process applies to rural areas, too. I’m not entirely agin’ it — a lot of the charm of this charming place we live depends on keeping things just exactly the way they are forever — but it does make my libertarian bone itch.
So a right creative fella decides to have a bit of fun with it-
(click to embiggen)
More of his efforts are documented here. Passive resistance at its best.
Bad tactical decisions, part XXXIII
You know, there are some things a normal human with a decent self-preservation instinct just doesn’t do- poke a nest of pit vipers with a stick, confront a man with a gun when you have none, or mess with a bunch of bikers while they’re partying. Apparently this group didn’t get that memo:
Johnstown, PA (GlossyNews) – Local and state police scoured the hills outside rural Johnstown, Pennsylvania, after reports of three animal rights activists going missing after attempting to protest the wearing of leather at a large motorcycle gang rally this weekend. Two others, previously reported missing, were discovered by fast food workers “duct taped inside fast food restaurant dumpsters,” according to police officials.
“Something just went wrong,” said a still visibly shaken organizer of the protest. “Something just went horribly, horribly, wrong.”The organizer said a group of concerned animal rights activists, “growing tired of throwing fake blood and shouting profanities at older women wearing leather or fur coats,” decided to protest the annual motorcycle club event “in a hope to show them our outrage at their wanton use of leather in their clothing and motor bike seats.”
Things did not go well for them.
“They peed on me!!!” charged one activist. “They grabbed me, said I looked like I was French, started calling me ‘La Trene’ and duct taped me to a tree so they could pee on me all day!”
Still others claimed they were forced to eat hamburgers and hot dogs under duress. Those who resisted were allegedly held down while several bikers “farted on their heads.”
The bikers, however, claimed there was no conflict-
“That’s preposterous,”said one high-ranking member of the biker organizing committee. “We were having a party, and these people showed up and were very rude to us. They threw things at us, called us names, and tried to ruin the entire event. So, what did we do? We invited them to the party!
What could be more friendly than that? You know, just because we are all members of motorcycle clubs does not mean we do not care about inclusiveness.”
As to the alleged ‘mistreatment’-
When confronted with the allegations of force-feeding the activist’s meat, using them as ad hoc latrines, leaving them incapacitated in fast food restaurant dumpsters, and ‘farting on their heads,’ the organizer declined to comment in detail. “That’s just our secret hand shake,” assured the organizer.
We report- you decide.
via Adam Baldwin (@adamsbaldwin) on Twitter
Oh Noes! Twinkies Gone!
OK, well, um, ah… damn.
ObamaJarrett mashup by Miz Weasel– too late for Halloween, but hey, there’s always next year!